


Seismic Waves

by AntarcticBird



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 20:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntarcticBird/pseuds/AntarcticBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's a nice guy. He doesn't yell at people. He needs to apologize, needs Kurt to tell him they're still okay, and oh god, where did this fight even come from?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seismic Waves

“Take a left here.”

“Why?”

Kurt sighs. “Because we went right when we were at this exact same intersection ten minutes ago and, obviously, that was the wrong direction.”

“We went left when we were here ten minutes ago,” Blaine disagrees.

“No, we did not,” Kurt insists.

Blaine shakes his head firmly. “Kurt, I'm the one driving this car, and I'm telling you, we went _left._ ”

“Fine. I think we better ask someone for directions. We should have been there half an hour ago.” Kurt sighs. “This is getting ridiculous. The others are probably all there already.”

Blaine just keeps driving, taking a _right_ turn at the intersection and Kurt rolls his eyes. “Blaine. Did you even hear me? I said we should ask for directions.”

Blaine scans the buildings left and right with his eyes, and dammit, this looks familiar. Maybe Kurt was right, after all. Maybe they have been here before. However, maybe not. “We'll be there any minute. It has to be here somewhere.”

Kurt snorts. “Oh, really? That's what you said twenty minutes ago. Seriously, Blaine, stop being such a child and just ask someone.”

“Do _you_ wanna drive?” Blaine is slowly losing patience now, feeling annoyed. He knows how ridiculously late they already are and Kurt isn't helping.

“Gladly. I'd make sure where the hell we are first, though.”

“We could have taken the bus with the rest of them, you know. Then we wouldn't be lost right now.”

Kurt turns in his seat and Blaine can feel his eyes on him. It's not a comfortable feeling. “Are you saying this is my fault?”

Blaine concentrates on the road in front of him, deciding to take a left turn this time. He's pretty sure he's never seen _this_ part of town before. “Well, I'm certainly not the one who needed forty-five minutes to put together an outfit for singing stupid Christmas songs in a stupid senior citizen's home.”

“Well, and I'm not the one who found out he'd lost his stupid phone the minute we were ready to leave and had to spend ten minutes searching for it. _Without_ being able to find it. Surprisingly.” Kurt's sounds a little too controlled, and Blaine knows him well enough to know that's never a good sign. 

“The bus was already gone by then, anyway,” he defends himself.

Kurt points at the big bank building to the left. “We've been here before Blaine. Three times. How is it possible you don’t see that? Would you just pull over like I told you so we can ask someone how to get there?”

Blaine shrugs. He doesn't really feel in the mood to take any of Kurt's suggestions right now, well aware he's being ridiculous and childish about this. “Just look up the directions on your phone.”

“My battery died,” Kurt reminds him. “Don't you think I would have done that long ago if I actually could?”

“Well, why didn't you recharge it before we left?” It's a pointless question, Blaine knows that, but he's not going to take the blame for this. He's not the one who got them lost, Kurt doesn't know where they're supposed to be going any more than he does.

“Because I forgot. I'm sorry. At least _I_ know where mine is, unlike _some_ people. I told you to be more careful with it. If you hadn't lost your phone –”

“Oh, so this is all _my_ fault.” Blaine shakes his head, a sarcastic smile on his lips. “Typical,” he mutters under his breath.

Kurt sits up a little straighter. “Excuse me, what was that?”

“Nothing.”

“If you have something to say to me, I suggest you just say it.” Kurt's voice is cold now, icy.

“Dammit, Kurt, stop telling me what to do!” And oh, okay, when did he start yelling? “You always do that!”

“I... what?” Kurt is quiet for a moment, too quiet. “Blaine? Would you care to explain what the hell that's supposed to mean?”

Blaine grips the steering wheel a little bit tighter, trying to get his voice under control. “Look, if you want to ask for directions, fine, I'll pull over and you can ask someone, but don't tell _me_ to do it.”

“Since when are you afraid of talking to people?”

He almost groans in frustration. “That's really not the point I'm trying to make, Kurt.”

“Then what is it about? Please enlighten me, because I'm seriously confused right now.”

Blaine knows he's entering dangerous territory, knows he's being unfair, but seriously, he needs to get this off his chest, even if he knows he's angry and exaggerating and he'll regret it later. “This is about you telling me what I should or shouldn't do. You're _always_ doing that. You're bossy and you always have to have the last word and I can't take any more of it. So stop, okay?”

“I’m sorry, but I'm doing _what?_ ”

The barely controlled anger in Kurt's voice should be a warning sign, but Blaine ignores it, unable to stop the words. “You tell me what I should wear, what I should sing, if I should take a left or a right turn... Sometimes I just wish you'd mind your own business and stop meddling in everyone else's.”

“You're kidding, right? This is a joke.”

“I would just appreciate it if you'd let me make my own choices once in a while. I'm perfectly capable of doing so without your help. I don't need you to control every aspect of my life.”

“I'm not trying to control you, I'm trying to help by making useful suggestions.”

“Well, don't.”

“Okay, Blaine. I get it. I'm a horrible person.” Kurt's voice is dripping with sarcasm. “Please excuse me for having an opinion about things.”

“Dammit, Kurt, I came to McKinley for you!” He knows this is low. He knows this will hurt Kurt. He didn’t mean to say it. Instead of taking it back, though – which wouldn't make much of a difference now anyway – he presses his lips together tightly, preparing himself for the storm that's about to hit him.

“Oh, wow. Are you saying I bullied you into transferring?” Kurt is shaking next to him, his anger so clear under the surface of his controlled exterior that it frightens Blaine to even look at him right now. He almost wishes Kurt would yell at him, retroactively justifying his own outburst, but Kurt doesn't yell. Not in situations like this. Kurt yells when he's upset, when he tries to hold back the tears, when he's hurt. This Kurt, pale, shaking with barely controlled rage, is a lot scarier. He's distant, and the biting cold in his voice chills the air until Blaine feels frozen down to his bones. “I never thought I'd hear you say that.”

“No, that's not what I'm –”

“I can't believe you.”

“I didn't –”

“Yes, you did.” Kurt takes a deep breath, hands curled into fists so tightly his knuckles are turning white. “And you know what the worst thing is? We talked about this. I told you not to do this for me.”

“Yes, _after_ I had already transferred.” Blaine knows he's being unfair and it makes him sick, but he can't go back now. 

“I don't... Just pull over here, please.”

“Why?”

“So I can get out.”

“Kurt...” Blaine looks at him now, but Kurt's staring out the window, turned away from him.

“I said stop the car,” Kurt says when Blaine just keeps driving.

“But...”

“Stop the damn car. Now.” Kurt is close to yelling now and Blaine steps on the brakes, he doesn't have a choice.

“Just... Can we...” he begins, not sure if he's even angry anymore or just ashamed because he really didn't mean for this to go so far. He's not even really sure what just happened.

“No. No, we can't. We really can't. Not right now.” Kurt shakes his head, finally looking at him, and Blaine feels like crying at seeing the look in Kurt's eyes. Anger, resentment, sadness. And then Kurt is adjusting his scarf and unbuckling his seat belt and Blaine isn't sure what to do.

“Where are you going?” he asks, stupidly, just needing to say something.

“Home. I'll find a bus stop. And if I don't, I'll _ask someone_.” And there's the sarcasm again.

“Let me take you home.” Because, seriously. He’s definitely not the one acting childish now. But he can't just let Kurt go like this. He doesn't even know where they are.

“I don't think that's a good idea.” Kurt says, opening the car door, and wow, it really is cold outside judging from the way the temperature in the car drops another ten degrees.

“I can't leave you here,” Blaine tries again. _Damn Kurt and his infuriating stubbornness_. It's December. He'll probably freeze to death before he finds a bus stop.

Kurt slips out of his seat, buttoning up his jacket without looking at Blaine, sounding frighteningly calm now. “And I can't be in the same car with you.”

Blaine lets out a frustrated sigh. “Why do you have to be this way?”

“What way, Blaine?” Kurt looks up now, and though his voice is still colder than winter, his eyes are on fire. “Am I doing something wrong again? Did I bully you into stopping the car? I'm _so_ sorry.”

“Don't you dare put all of this on me.” Okay, he deserves some of the blame. But then, not everything he said had been unreasonable, had it? Kurt has to know that some of it, at least, isn’t too far from the truth. Like Kurt’s need to always have the last word.

“You know what? Forget it. I'm done talking about this now.” Kurt sounds like he means it and Blaine feels helpless and frustrated and he's _not_ going to just sit here and take this.

“All right. We're done talking then, I guess. But just so you know, I wasn't looking to get in a fight with you over this. This isn't all my fault, so don't pretend like it is.” Blaine knows he’s being stubborn now too, but he has to defend himself somehow. He feels cornered and lashing out seems easier than apologizing, especially when Kurt is looking at him like that, like he’s such a terrible person Kurt can’t even ride in the same car with him.

Kurt shrugs and turns around, ready to walk away, before he looks back at Blaine again. “If you ever find the others, tell them I'm not feeling well.” He tilts his head, a fake smile spreading across his face. “Oh, wait. I'm telling you what to do again. How awful of me. Just... do what you want, Blaine. Bye.” He slams the car door shut with so much force Blaine feels the car shaking and then he's walking down the street, arms wrapped around himself, and Blaine is alone.

“Fine. Whatever,” he yells after him, knowing that Kurt can't hear him anymore. It doesn't matter.

He slams his hands down on the dashboard hard and it _hurts,_ but he doesn't care. At least it distracts him from his anger for a second. He doesn't know what to do now. Go after Kurt? Go home? It all feels wrong.

Dammit, if they'd just been on time to catch the bus. Then none of this would have happened. Kurt and his stupid clothes. He sighs, letting his forehead fall against the steering wheel, just trying to breathe until his head clears a little, until he can decide what he wants to do.

He's just... he can't even think straight he's still so... _shocked_ from the unexpected force of that argument. What the hell was that? And what the hell had Kurt been thinking, to just walk away like this? _And,_ a smaller voice inside of him asks, _how could he have said those things to Kurt?_ He doesn't know what made him say it. Except... Kurt. God, he was infuriating sometimes. And controlling. And selfish. The truth is, Blaine thinks, that he wouldn't be at McKinley if it hadn't have been for Kurt. He wouldn't have to deal with the bullies and the slushies and he wouldn't be fighting for solos, he'd be handed them on a silver platter and he'd never, _never_ have to be afraid of going to school because he'd still be safe.

It's just that he wouldn't see Kurt every day either and... oh god, Kurt. Kurt who had walked away into the cold December air in a strange town _somewhere_ in Ohio. Well, Blaine thinks, he supposes he'll have to find him. He doesn’t even know if Kurt has any money on him, and he knows Kurt’s phone is dead, which means he can’t even call his dad to pick him up.

Blaine starts the car again, driving off in search of his boyfriend. He doesn’t really want to see Kurt right now, but he can’t leave him here. And he can’t drive home feeling like this anyway.

**

Blaine is lying on his bed, staring at the white-painted ceiling, phone in his hand. It's getting dark, but he isn't really in the mood to get up and switch on the light. He's cold, but even shifting his body so he can get the comforter out from underneath him seems like too much of an effort. He's been home for close to two hours hours now, after searching for Kurt for another hour before that. There hadn’t been any sign of him. Blaine has no idea where he is, if he's made it home all right, hell, he doesn't even know if Kurt will ever speak to him again.

Blaine has tried to call him, again and again, but Kurt’s phone seems to be still off. He's sent Kurt about a hundred text messages, left a million voice mails, starting off with simple “please call me”s and quickly progressing to “I'm worried about you” and finally to “I'm so, so sorry, please just let me know if you're okay.” But so far, he hasn't gotten any kind of response, and he tried calling Kurt’s house but no one answered, and he doesn't know what any of that means.

Is Kurt okay? Blaine just needs to know that he’s okay. That he made it home safely and isn’t wandering around a strange city, looking for a way to get home. He thinks about Kurt, cold and all alone after Blaine had simply left him there, and it breaks his heart and he feels so ashamed of himself he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to look Kurt in the eye again.

Blaine sits up quickly, ignoring the momentary dizziness that comes with it. He's exhausted from fighting and worrying and he hasn't eaten anything since breakfast, but somehow he can't. Not when Kurt could still be out there somewhere, lost and freezing and...

He pushes the thought away, reaching for his phone again. Which, by the way, had been in his room the entire time. That was why he hadn't been able to find it at Kurt's earlier – he'd never taken it with him. If he had, none of this might have happened.

He dials Kurt's number again, one last try. If it goes straight to voice mail again, he'll get back in his car and he won't come home until he finds Kurt and talks to him, he swears.

This time, however, it rings. He presses the phone closer to his ear, holding his breath while he waits. _Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up,_ he repeats in his head, over and over and over. But nothing happens. After what seems like an eternity, an endless forever of waiting and worrying and asking himself what he's going to say if Kurt answers, it goes to voice mail again and Blaine lets out a frustrated sigh. Dammit, he needs to talk to Kurt. He needs to hear his voice, not the recording he's hearing right now, but _Kurt_ , even if he's yelling at him or freezing him out or... he just needs to speak with him. Anything, _anything_ is better than the waiting and the thoughts and the worries bred by nothing but silence.

Blaine leaves another message, knowing deep down that the simple act of repeating just how much he regrets everything that happened won’t make Kurt forgive him any faster. He has to say it over and over again anyway, hoping that it will at least ease the dull pain in his chest, the pain that is brought on by the understanding that he hurt someone he really cares about. It doesn’t go away, however, no matter how often he tries, he still aches with the knowledge of what he’s done.

“Kurt, it's me. Again. Please, please call me back when you get this, okay? I need to talk to you. I'm sorry about earlier. I'm so sorry. Call me. I love you,” he adds, not sure whether he's allowed to say it right now. But it's the truth. It's always the truth. Even when he's mad at him, it's still true.

He presses the end-call button and drops the phone, feeling the pressure of tears behind his eyeballs. He just breathes for a few moments, not sure what to do. Kurt's phone is on again. That means he's recharged it. Which means he's home.

Well, that's good. That's something. At least now he can stop worrying about Kurt being stranded somewhere, being lost and alone and not able to find his way home. It's a small relief, however, because Kurt still won't talk to him. Or maybe he _couldn't_ answer, maybe he didn't hear it, maybe he's in the shower or something. He's probably cold after making his way home in the chilly December air. Kurt is always cold, even though winter is his favorite season.

Blaine rubs a hand over his face, feeling so tired and so lonely and so... awful. He's a terrible boyfriend. God, the things he said... He knows he can’t take any of it back, but he wishes he could. He also wishes he hadn’t just driven off and left Kurt there. After looking for him for an hour, but still. He should never have made Kurt walk away in the first place.

They've fought before, but never like this. Never like this. He's not sure how to proceed from here. He's still shaken, from the anger, the feeling of being treated so unfairly by the person he loves most in the world, but most of all from the need to find hurtful words to throw at the one person who means more to him than anyone else ever has or ever will. And the fear. The fear of having gone too far this time, of not being able to find Kurt and imagining all kinds of terrible things happening to him and it would have been all _his fault._ It's not something he even wants to think about.

He's pretty sure now that Kurt's not in any danger. But that doesn't mean he can't still lose him. And it's Saturday. He probably won't see Kurt again before Monday. That's all of tomorrow in between them and what if Kurt doesn't call? What if he doesn't hear from him until then? He doesn't think he can take it. He doesn't want to live through another hour, let alone an entire day not knowing if they can fix this. He needs to fix this. It's what he does. He's a nice guy. He doesn't yell at people. He needs to apologize, needs Kurt to tell him they're still okay, and oh god, where did this fight even come from?

He wants to take it all back and just forget the way Kurt had looked at him... so angry and so sad. He's seen Kurt angry before. He's seen Kurt sad before. And he's sworn to himself that he would never be the one to cause that, not ever, because he wants - no, he _needs_ Kurt to be happy, he wants to protect him from everything, even if that's such a cliché, but Kurt’s always been there to do the same for him. And god, he just wants him in his arms and hold him and hold him and never let go.

His phone buzzes and he picks it up eagerly, hoping it's Kurt.

It is. But the message isn't exactly one to put him into a better mood or ease any of his worries.

_I received all of your messages. I’m fine, and yes, we have to talk. But not now. Please don't call me again. I'll see you on Monday._

Blaine lets himself fall sideways onto the bed and curls up there, clutching his phone to his chest. Well, at least Kurt responded. Finally. But what does it mean? It doesn't sound good, that's for sure. _Oh no, they're not breaking up, are they?_ Kurt can't break up with him. Not over a stupid fight like this. Doesn't he know he didn't mean it? He _has_ to know he didn't mean _any_ of it.

The McKinley thing, though... His face is burning with shame, just thinking about those words. He remembers their conversation on his first day, how Kurt had freaked out about Blaine’s decision and how he, Blaine, had promised him they'd be all right.

And now he’s torn between feeling so sad it hurts and feeling angry, so angry,, because Kurt was wrong too. Kurt who always, _always_ has to say everything that’s going through his mind, who never has a problem with criticizing everything Blaine does, from his wardrobe choices to the way he’s driving. Kurt isn't perfect either. Sure, Blaine shouldn't have brought up his transfer. That was mean and he knows it. But why can't Kurt just talk to him? Why can't they just sort this out and make up? It's all Blaine wants. It's everything he wants. 

Most of all, though, he just wants Kurt. He's still mad at him, mad at him for walking away, mad at him for having _every right_ to walk away from that conversation... no, from that _fight_ , and for confirming, by being the one to walk away, what a jerk Blaine had been to say the things he said. He hates Kurt for refusing to talk about this, he hates him for that stupid message that could mean a million different things, most of them not good.

But he loves Kurt too. He loves him so much. And so all he can do is to stay here in his room and hate himself, because boy, does he have a talent for screwing up good things.

**

Sunday is the worst day of the week, and he didn't have a very good week to start with. Blaine never leaves his phone out of sight, always hoping for a call, and he abandons even the thought of homework after staring at his history assignment for a good twenty minutes without understanding a single word on the page he was attempting to read. Apparently, he doesn't handle fights very well. He doesn't handle fights with _Kurt_ very well.

He's not mad at Kurt anymore, at this point. Only at himself. He wants to make everything right, but how is he even supposed to begin if Kurt doesn't talk to him? He gets it, that Kurt didn't want to talk last night. He gets that he needed some time, but they had plans for today. They were supposed to do their homework together at Kurt's place and then watch stupid Christmas movies. The Grinch, The Muppet Christmas Carol, Scrooged... He's been looking forward to it all week, and the fact that it’s his own fault they don’t get to do any of that today... it hurts. A lot. He misses Kurt and the need to apologize and make up is excruciating, sitting right under his skin and making him feel restless and on edge all day. He just wants to see Kurt.

Instead, he spends his Sunday at home, listening to sad music, wondering if he'll still have a boyfriend when he goes to school on Monday.

It sucks. Worse than he could have ever imagined.

The most difficult part is not calling Kurt, not grabbing his keys and jumping into his car and driving to Lima and _making_ Kurt talk to him. He knows he can't do that. Kurt asked for this time, asked him to wait until Monday, and he can prove he's a good boyfriend now by giving him this. By waiting. Even though it's almost killing him and his fingers are tingling with the need to touch Kurt, to hold him close and feel the muscles shift beneath his skin when he lifts his arms to wrap them around Blaine’s shoulders.

But it's still Sunday and he's still waiting and it's all he can do. So he waits. He feels like he owes Kurt at least that much.

**

Blaine is not looking forward to school on Monday. Sure, he wants to see Kurt, but he's dreading it too. He's had a lot of free time over the weekend, a lot of time to think about what is going to happen once they run into each other. None of those scenarios really end in hugs and kisses. Well, some do, but he knows these are probably not the most realistic ones of them all.

He's left home early, wanting to be there in time in case Kurt wants to talk with him before class. Blaine hopes he does. He doesn't know how he's supposed to pay attention in any of his classes if he doesn't see Kurt before and finally gets a chance to apologize properly.

Kurt is waiting by his locker when Blaine turns the corner into the corridor. He looks pale and serious, clutching the strap of his book bag a little too tightly and Blaine's heart almost stops. This is it. And judging from the look on Kurt's face, it's not going to be pretty. Blaine takes a shaky breath and tries not to cry as he makes his way over.

Kurt spots him when he's still a few feet away and looks him straight in the eyes, but his expression doesn't change. There’s not even a hint of that smile Blaine has grown accustomed to seeing every morning, not even the faintest trace of the way his face usually lights up when they see each other. His eyes are unreadable and that worries Blaine more than anything because he can always, _always_ read Kurt. But now there's nothing and Blaine feels his stomach sink, his heart clenching tightly in his chest.

“Hi,” he says, his voice sounding stronger than he feels. He knows Kurt will hear the shaking, though, sense the complete lack of confidence.

“Hi,” Kurt says back, and there's no emotion in his voice. Blaine feels like he's been punched. “I think we need to talk.”

Blaine nods, because yes, yes, talking is good, it's a start, it means there's still a chance. If Kurt were to break up with him, he could do it now and be done with it. “I know,” he says. “I wanted to talk to you all weekend, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, and –”

“Not here,” Kurt cuts him off. “Not now.” He takes a look around the hallway that's quickly filling with students. “Meet me at the Lima Bean after school?”

Blaine just breathes for a few seconds, because meeting after school is good, right? And the Lima Bean is _theirs_... On the other hand, if Kurt wanted to make up, wouldn't he invite him over to his place? Does this mean he won’t forgive him? Does he want to take him to a public place so he won't make a scene when he breaks up with him? Oh god, are they breaking up?

“Blaine?” Kurt asks after a while, and Blaine realizes he hasn't said anything yet.

He tries to smile, fails, and just nods his head instead. “Lima Bean. After school. Okay.”

“Okay,” Kurt repeats, hesitating a moment before he starts to walk away.

“Kurt,” Blaine calls after him, and he stops, not turning around.

Blaine walks up to him, around him, so he can look him in the eyes, but Kurt's staring at the floor and won't lift his head.

“I really am sorry,” Blaine says again. “Please believe me. I...” he wants to say _I love you_ , but Kurt's still not looking at him and there are so many people around now and... and he just can't.

“Blaine,” Kurt finally says, quietly. “I know. I just... I don't want to do this here, okay?”

Oh. _Oh_. Do _this_? That does sound an awful lot like breaking up. Blaine feels hot and really cold and extremely lightheaded all at once, and shit, how is he supposed to get through this day?

Kurt finally lifts his eyes and Blaine can't stop staring because Kurt is so sad and so beautiful, so beautiful, and god, he's never loved him this much, not ever.

“Stop worrying so much, Blaine,” Kurt says, attempting a smile. “I just... We just need to talk, okay?”

“Okay,” Blaine says, not really feeling much better, but a little more hopeful. Just a little

“See you then.” Kurt lifts a hand as if to touch him, but lets it drop again, quickly looking around as if to make sure that nobody saw, and then he's gone and Blaine's left in the crowded hallway and still feels like he had his heart ripped out, but now he thinks that maybe there's a chance he could get it back. He hopes and prays to every higher power he can think of that he still has a chance.

**

The day goes by so slowly, Blaine's sure all the clocks at McKinley have stopped working. He sits in class, looking like he's paying attention, even pretending to be taking notes, but really all he does is think about what Kurt said this morning, over and over. _We just need to talk._ It's not much different from Saturday's text message. And yet... he doesn't really believe anymore that it means _we're breaking up._ He doesn't think Kurt would be cruel enough to keep him in suspense through an entire school day only to break up with him at the end of it. No. Kurt is many things – amazing, talented, beautiful, compassionate, honest, clever, quick-witted. He's also often selfish, arrogant and sarcastic. But he's not nor has he ever been cruel. So Blaine keeps sitting in class, willing the time to go by faster, and finally allows himself to hope.

It doesn't take long, however, before the doubt creeps back in – _what if he just didn't want to dump me in the hallway where everyone would see, what if he says we need to take a break, what if he never wants to see me again_ – and he can hardly sit still, checking his watch every two minutes, running a hand through his hair until there's hardly any gel left in it and he's sure it's sticking up in all directions. But whatever. Kurt had mentioned to him a few times that he preferred it like that and even if that wasn't true, what does it matter if he's going to break up with him anyway and oh dear lord, why isn't this day over already?

It's such a relief when he's finally done with his last class of the day, Blaine rushes to his car, impatient to get to the Lima Bean, forgetting his car keys in his locker and having to run back for them. Cursing and swearing he speeds across town, breaking every traffic law there is, but Kurt's car had already been gone from the parking lot and he doesn't want to wait for this any longer, doesn't want to keep Kurt waiting, he just wants to get there and he just wants to know.

Kurt is already there when he arrives, sitting at their usual table, and he's already bought them coffee. He's sipping his, and Blaine immediately spots the second paper cup, waiting for him across the table. It calms him in a way nothing else could, this simple gesture, the feelings and the memories attached to it. Because Kurt bought him coffee. Do you buy coffee for someone if you plan to dump them within the next few minutes? _Well, if you wanted to be really nice about it, you might,_ that annoying little voice in his head chirps up again and he silences it quickly and crosses the room to slide into his seat before his courage fails him or he does something stupid, like climb up on the counter and belt out a love song to Kurt. Probably not the best idea right now, but even though it would be awkward, he'd prefer that kind of awkwardness to the uncertainty that’s waiting for him instead.

“Hey,” he greets Kurt, who smiles at him carefully and points at the second coffee cup.

“Your usual,” he says. “I hope you don't mind, I just really needed caffeine, and I assumed...”

“No, it's perfect,” Blaine hastens to assure him. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” Kurt replies, and wow, they haven't been this formal with each other since... well, they have never been this formal with each other. Not since that handshake on the Dalton staircase.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, stealing glances when they think the other isn't looking.

“So,” Blaine finally breaks the silence. “Should we... talk now?”

Kurt nods slowly, staring at the table in front of him. “That's why we're here, isn't it?”

Blaine takes a deep breath. “Kurt, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. For everything. What I said... I didn’t mean it. Any of it. And I shouldn't have left you there. I tried to find you, but I didn't know where you went, and when I came home I wanted to call you, but your phone was still dead and then you didn't call me back –”

Kurt holds up a hand, signaling for Blaine to stop talking. “No, wait, hold on,” he says. “ _I'm_ sorry, Blaine. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have been telling you what to do... You didn't do anything wrong, and I – I guess I deserved that comment about making you transfer for me, I mean, it's true, isn't it?”

“What?” Blaine just stares at him “No. No, it's not. Don't say that. Don't even _think_ that. I don't even know why I brought it up. I shouldn't have. And I'm sorry.”

“Blaine,” Kurt says, and Blaine can't go on, because there's so much sadness in Kurt's voice. “I know, okay? I know who I am. I have strong opinions about everything and I like to share them. Or force them on people. I _have_ been trying to tell you what to do, and until Saturday you've always been too nice to get in my face about it. That doesn't change the fact that you should have. Long ago.”

And, wow, whatever he expected out of this conversation, that wasn't it. “I...” He swallows, trying to find the words he needs to say. “You never made me do anything I didn't want to do.”

“We both know that's not true,” Kurt replies. “You gave up Dalton and came to McKinley. For me. You said so yourself. You were angry when you said it, okay. But that doesn't make it any less true.”

Blaine has to let it sink in for a while, sort it out in his head. “You're right, I was angry,” he finally says. “I would never have said any of it, otherwise. I transferred because I wanted to, because it was something I needed to do. You didn't make me.”

“I didn't?” Kurt snorts. “I practically guilt-tripped you into transferring. Telling you my senior year would suck if I didn't have you with me all the time...”

“Kurt...” Blaine reaches across the table to take Kurt's hand, afraid for a moment that the other boy will pull away from him, but Kurt just holds on, breathing shakily and staring at the table instead of looking at Blaine. And Blaine feels so overwhelmed all of a sudden, because while he spent the entire weekend feeling guilty, Kurt has been at home doing just the same and Blaine loves him, he _loves_ him, he loves him so much he can hardly breathe. “When you told me you wanted to spend every minute of this year with me, that was one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I'm serious.”

He takes a deep breath, gripping Kurt's hand a little tighter, trying to get him to look up so he can see how much Blaine means what he's saying. But Kurt won't meet his eyes, so he just keeps talking. “I told you I did it for me, didn't I? And that's the truth. I did it because I needed to. You did have something to do with it, though, to be completely honest.”

Kurt looks up at that, _I told you so_ written all over his face and it makes Blaine's heart ache a little more. “You gave me the courage to do this,” he continues. “You showed me that it was possible. I loved it at Dalton, but you know I always felt bad for hiding away there. You made me brave enough to stop hiding. You and your incredible strength. God, Kurt, I would never have done this without you, but I'm so, so glad that I did. So, you see, I didn't do this _for_ you, but I did do it _because_ of you. And also? I wanted to see you more.”

“See? That means I'm still responsible for this,” Kurt interrupts, but his eyes aren’t leaving Blaine’s and there's less sadness in them, and that's something, Blaine thinks.

He shakes his head, encouraged by the look on Kurt’s face. “Maybe, in a way. If you can be held responsible for me falling madly in love with you. It’s not the only reason I transferred, but I _wanted_ to spend more time with you. I can't stand the thought of being apart from you when we could be together. You mean so much to me, don't you get that? I’m crazy about you. Even when you're telling me what to wear or how to drive. Especially then. I just... I love you.”

Kurt just breathes slowly for a moment before his body relaxes, some of the tension leaving his shoulders and he squeezes Blaine’s hand a little tighter. “I love you too,” he says. “You know that, right?”

“I know,” Blaine says.

“No, I mean, you really know that, don't you? That I _love_ you. More than anything, Blaine. And I hope that if I ever try to control you or make you feel bad about yourself, you'll tell me, okay? Because I don't want to tell you what to do, I don’t _ever_ want to make you feel bad. But I know myself too well to guarantee you that it's never going to happen again.”

Blaine nods. “In that case, I promise. To tell you. But you have to promise me that you'll talk to me if I upset you, okay? Because not knowing... it kills me. I can't handle it if I think you're angry with me and I can't do anything about it.”

“We won't always be able to avoid that, though, will we?” Kurt asks. “Although, I guess we're prepared now, at least. Just... do you think we can keep it down to no more than one big fight per year?”

Blaine just breathes something silly in response and grins in a way that's surely making him look like an idiot, but he gets that way whenever Kurt implies that he’s in this is for the long haul. Because Blaine wants that too. He wants forever, if he can have it. There's no one like Kurt, no one. He's sure of that.

“Let's get out of here,” Kurt says, and Blaine is confused for a moment.

“Why?”

“Too public,” Kurt explains, and Blaine understands.

They make it as far as the parking lot before Kurt shoves him up against a car – it's a big black minivan, so they're completely shielded from view – and kisses him just the way Blaine has wanted him to ever since Saturday.

Kurt wraps his arms around him and holds him close, opening his mouth when Blaine slides his tongue over his bottom lip, and Blaine feels like he's drowning or flying or falling, falling in love all over again with this wonderful boy in his arms. This boy, who is _still his boyfriend_ and who tastes like coffee and winter and _Kurt;_ this boy who sets Blaine’s skin on fire even though it can’t be more than twenty degrees outside, simply by humming into the kiss in a way Blaine feels all the way down to his toes.

“No, wait a minute.” Kurt pushes himself off him suddenly, panting slightly, his lips red from kissing and his hair all mussed up and Blaine doesn't even remember running his hands through it.

“You left,” Kurt reminds him. “You left me alone in that godforsaken town and just _went home._ Without me.”

“I tried to find you,” Blaine starts to explain, a feeling of cold panic spreading in his chest. They can’t fight again, they _can’t_. “I did. I looked everywhere. But I didn't know where you were and I... I said how sorry I am, oh god, I'm so sorry, Kurt, I didn't mean –”

Kurt grins and cuts him off with another kiss, hurried and a little bit desperate, one hand coming up to rest against Blaine's cheek, the other against his back, pressing him closer to his own body.

“I know,” he whispers against his lips when they break apart, and Blaine can feel the smile in his voice. “It took me five minutes to find the others. They were just around the corner. Mercedes drove me home. And now stop apologizing, you idiot, and get in you car. My place, ten minutes.”

Blaine nods, but instead of walking away he tightens his arms around Kurt and buries his face in his neck and just inhales until Kurt is filling all of his senses, taking over every last cell of his body until he thinks he's going to burst with everything he’s feeling for this boy, except it still isn't enough.

“I don't know if I can wait another ten minutes,” he mumbles into the skin of Kurt's throat and Kurt, who would normally laugh at him for saying something like that, just shivers in his arms and shakes his head slightly.

“Me either,” he replies. “I missed you so much yesterday.”

“Fighting sucks,” Blaine states.

“Maybe.” Kurt runs his hands up and down Blaine's arms and pulls back a little so he can look at him. “But that's why I'd suggest we go home now and make up properly. Finn is at Rachel's and both dad and Carole are working late.”

“Ten minutes?” Blaine repeats eagerly. “I'll make it in eight. Seven. Six and a half.”

“Just get there in one piece,” Kurt tells him, smiling. "And remember to ask for directions if you get lost."

Blaine grins and presses their lips together again, and again, and again, because he can't stop.

“I just hope you'll be more patient later,” Kurt sighs. “I hear making up can take some time if you do it right.”

“I have all the time in the world,” Blaine assures him.

“ _We_ ,” Kurt corrects him, and Blaine feels his heart flutter in his chest and his stomach doing a series of complicated backflips. “ _We_ have all the time in the world.”


End file.
